LFR #16: Silence

La Femme Rayonlune: Silence
Co-authored with Moonbeam
Written May 2001

Rated R
Synopsis: A parody fic … the story of level five operative Moonbeam and the way we wish LFN had been.
In this chapter:¬†What happens when the Aris try to write a ‘TVY’ episode…

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are property of LFN Productions, Warner Bros., and USA Network. The characters you don’t recognize were created by the authors. No infringement is intended.

World Cable Network (WCN) Headquarters

The Glass Curtain terrorist nodded to his companions and spoke into his communication device. “Area secured.”

“Good,” Bill Shagger replied. “Run the tape.”

*ominous music*


Section One

Operations walked cheerily to the briefing table, followed by a grinning Madeline. She was carrying a plate that had been covered by tin foil. The operatives at the table sat up, smiling excitedly.

“And how are my favorite Section operatives this morning?” Operations asked.

A chorus of “Great” and “Wonderful” filled the air. Madeline sat the plate on the table. “I’m glad to hear it because I have something special for you!” She removed the tin foil like a magician. “Ta da! My very own special homemade cupcakes!”

The operatives clapped their hands.

“Here’s one for you, Moonbeam, angel food confetti with white frosting and candy dinosaurs. Chocolate frosting for you, Nikita. Strawberry frosting and sprinkles for you, Quinn.” She continued passing out the treats until everyone had one. She picked up a blueberry muffin. “I hope you like them!”

They all thanked her and took a bite. “These are terrific!” someone stated. “Madeline, you’re the best chef!” said another.

Operations grinned at her. “What do you all say?”

“Thank you, Madeline!” they exclaimed in sing-song voices.


Section One: Comm

Birkoff glanced at his computer screen. Happy cartoon animals danced across the screen, and he smiled pleasantly. His brother came up behind him, holding out a chocolate-frosted cupcake with half a cherry on top. “This is from Madeline.”

Birkoff grinned. “Really? Madeline makes the best cupcakes! Thanks, Jason!”

“What are brothers for?”


Section One: Briefing Table

Operations turned on the blue screen. “It’s time to sing our theme song! In case you’ve forgotten the words, they’ll appear on the screen.”

“We know the words,” they all said.

Madeline beamed. “Good! Then let’s sing.” She cleared her throat and nodded at Hillinger, who cued up the music. Everyone joined in together. “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family…”

Once they finished their song, they sat around in a circle to play Duck Duck Goose. Michael was the winner, as usual, but there were no hard feelings. Instead, they all admired his ability to tap heads and run around a circle without getting caught.

After that, it was story time. Nikita pulled out her book “The Little Engine That Could” and read aloud to the group. They were captivated by her words, and a few tears fell from Madeline’s eyes as the engine finally achieved its goal.

“Wasn’t that fun?” Operations exclaimed. “We want to thank Nikita for her wonderful story.”

“Thank you, Nikita,” everyone called out happily.

“Okay, now it’s time for a sing-along!”

Moonbeam raised her hand excitedly. “May I request a song, please?”

“Of course you may, Moonbeam,” he replied fondly.

“May we sing ‘Mary had a Little Lamb?'”

“That’s an excellent idea!” Madeline declared. “Let’s all sing ‘Mary had a Little Lamb.'”

Birkoff and Jason scurried over to the group and sat down. They never missed a sing-along.

Operations cleared his voice and led the group in song. “Mary had a little lamb, its feet were white as snow; and everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go…'”

After the sing-along, it was naptime. Moonbeam and Nikita curled up around Hillinger. Quinn used Madeline’s knees as a pillow, while Madeline rested her head on Birkoff’s chest. Jason lay by Henry, and Elizabeth sprawled out in a chair next to Operations.


Section One: Perch

Operations and Madeline watched over their operatives with the loving adoration of two parents. Board games had been set up down below. Hillinger, Henry, and Birkoff played Candyland, while Moonbeam, Nikita, Quinn, and Elizabeth played Go Fish, and Jason, Walter, and Ms Jones, no relation, played Chutes and Ladders.

The telephone rang, and Operations answered it with a cheerful, “Good afternoon!”

“Help us!” came the frantic voice on the other end. “Some very bad people are trying to do very bad things to us. Can you send a team of operatives to help us?”

He frowned. “You didn’t say please.”


“Well, we couldn’t come until tomorrow,” he explained with a sigh. “The operatives haven’t had their supper yet, and then it’ll be bedtime.”

“Forget it! We’ll call Glass Curtain; they’ll help us!” The line went dead.

Operations shrugged and turned to Madeline. “I think we should coordinate the fingerpainting hour now.”

She jumped up and down gleefully. “I’ll go get the materials.”


Section One: Briefing Table

“No, Nikita–on the paper.”

The blonde’s lower lip quivered in fear–she hadn’t meant to make a green streak on the table! “I’m-I’m sorry, Madeline.” She burst into tears. “I’ll never do it again, I promise!”

“There, there,” Madeline cooed, hugging her affectionately. “I know you didn’t mean to. Just be more careful next time, okay?”


Moonbeam dipped her fingers into the red paint and drew a big heart on the paper. Smiling brightly, she brought it over to Operations. “Here you go. I made this for you to thank you for being such a nice, non-ruthless man.”

A tear formed in the corner of his eye. “Thank you, Moonbeam.”

She gave him a big hug, planting her paint-coated hands on his back and ruining his jacket. “Oops.” For a moment, she thought he was going to be angry.

He noticed her sudden fear and smiled widely. “I’m not upset, Moonbeam. Accidents happen. Remember, I’m a nice, non-ruthless man.”


After the operatives were fed a delicious meal prepared by Section’s award-winning chef, they changed into their pajamas and retreated to the on-site sleeping area. Several bunkbeds had been placed in the large room, and nightlights occupied each electrical outlet. (Michael was afraid of the dark.) Everyone clamored into their own bed. While Madeline sung an ethereal lullaby, Operations tucked in each operative and kissed their foreheads. Turning off the light, the two heads of Section One retreated to the lounge to watch family-oriented programming and do laundry.

“Well, Madeline, I have to say that we have the best jobs in the whole world,” Operations said delightedly.

She sniffled, dabbing a tissue to her eyes. “I love those kids.”


WCN Headquarters

Bill Shagger pressed a button, and a message appeared on the television screen: ‘We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.’ With a devious grin, he began to count the moments until the world belonged to Glass Curtain.


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