LFR #4: Greed

La Femme Rayonlune: Greed
Co-authored with Moonbeam
Written May 2001

Rated R
Synopsis: A parody fic … the story of level five operative Moonbeam and the way we wish LFN had been.
In this chapter:¬†Everyone wants a chance to get richer, whether it be with money or something else…

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are property of LFN Productions, Warner Bros., and USA Network. The characters you don’t recognize were created by the authors. No infringement is intended.

Section One: Main Area

Moonbeam walked through the main room, taking off her brown wig. She looked at Nikita, unconscious and crumpled in the corner, with a look of confusion but decided not to ask. Madeline met her in the middle and smiled. “I heard your mission was a success.”

“Yes…” Moonbeam replied with a voice of uncertainty.

Madeline tilted her head. “Is there something I should know about?”

Moonbeam hesitated. “He revealed something to me after the team left. Something quite disturbing. I think it may involve Section One, or the information at least will benefit us.”

“Very interesting. I’ll put a note on the next Megahard mission to retrieve Mr. Bates for further questioning.”

Madeline and Moonbeam continued walking in opposite directions.


Megahard Main Complex

Michael walked down the hallway in a business suit and glasses. He walked directly to his destination, the main hard drive for the entire corporation. The door lock opened with voice command. Michael used a small black device to disguise his voice as Gill Bates’ voice. The door opened, he obtained the necessary information, and left unnoticed.

He proceeded to the second part of the mission, the new part. He went directly to Gill Bates’ office, taking out anyone that tried to stop him. He broke into his office. Bates looked at him and immediately stood up. Michael commanded, “You’re coming with me.”

“Wha…what are you doing here?” Bates didn’t move. He had no idea that Michael knew where he was.

Michael pulled out his gun. “Move. Now.”

“I don’t understand…”

“There’s nothing to understand. You’re leaving work early today.”


Section One: Madeline’s Office

Madeline entered her office, only to find Operations at her desk. “Paul! What are you doing at my computer?”

He looked up with a start. “Oh, I’m sorry, Madeline. You know the computer in my office doesn’t have access to the internet and I’ve been perusing eBay for a few necessities.”

She walked over to peer over his shoulder. “Oh?” She saw the screen and looked at him curiously. “Paul…”

He smiled evilly. “Yes, my darling. A lifetime supply of herbal Viagra, to be used by me but to benefit you.”

She looked back at the screen with wide eyes. “That’s a good price on shipping, too…”


Section One: Comm

Birkoff typed away at something at his station. Jason slowly made his way over to him and whispered, “Hey, Seymour!”

Birkoff paused to roll his eyes and mumbled, “What?”

“Do you still have the vidchip that I ordered but had shipped to you so Center wouldn’t look at it?”



Birkoff looked at him. “Well, what?”

Jason raised his eyebrows. “Can I have it?”

Birkoff looked back at his screen and popped a gummy bear in his mouth. “How much did you make on the Madeline-Nikita fight?”

“Aw, geez… I don’t know, about two hundred…”

“Give me five and I’ll give you the chip back.”


“I know whatever you make, you tell people half of that.”

“Okay, so I made four-twenty-seven. Why five?”

“Five or I rewrite the chip with Teletubbies.”

“AH! Okay! I’ll give you three!”




“Four-fifty, and that’s my final offer.”


Jason groaned. “All right! Five! Where is it? I have to see Pamela Anderson naked on a trampoline!”

“Delivery upon payment.”

Jason pouted and walked off to his room. Birkoff gave a little smirk.


Section One: Mailroom

Michael sorted envelopes into separate slots. Having been demoted, he was required to work in the mailroom once a week. He grumbled thoughts in his head as he worked. He had gone from being in danger of being shot to being in danger of getting a massive paper cut. When he started shoving envelopes into their homes, he decided to switch to the packages and try to cool off.

There was also something else bugging him. Something he couldn’t quite figure out. Gill Bates had looked at him so strangely on the trip back to Section One. And that look in his eyes…something familiar…

Michael looked down at a rather large box. It was addressed to Operations’ code address. The return address was completely unknown and registered as an American civilian. Michael decided to scan the contents anyway to be on the safe side. An x-ray revealed small bottles with pills. He proceeded with a chemical scan out of curiosity. The bottles were plastic and the pills were-

Michael’s eyes widened. He would have to use this to his advantage.


Section One: White Room

Bates could be seen through the small window, strapped to the chair, bowing his head in exhaustion. Moonbeam and Madeline stood in front of it. Moonbeam was back into her normal clothes: vinyl pants, silver rubber tank top, etc. “I swear, Madeline. He told me he worked for a secret organization and had to get plastic surgery to completely change his identity, completely change his race, in order to get away from them.”

“He denies anything beyond a simple corporate genius.”

“Of course, he would. He doesn’t want the information that he knows to be known by us. He’s like any Section operative that has worked undercover and has been taken capture by an unknown force.”

Madeline smiled. “Well, we’ll just have to work past that.”

Moonbeam hesitated. “Go into the observation room and let me take a stab at him.”

“All right.”

The large door slowly opened and Moonbeam walked in. Bates slowly looked up. Moonbeam smiled. “Do you remember me?”

Bates couldn’t see past the purple hair at the sides of her face. “No…”

She stood in front of him. “We had quite an interesting night last night. Of course I was a brunette then.”

He took a moment to register the information. “You’re Kathleen.”

“Yep yep yep!” She lowered her face to be level with his. “You told me a secret last night.”

He hesitated. “I was lying.”

“You couldn’t have been. I was looking at the proof.”

“I made that all up. I was trying to show off for you.”

Moonbeam suddenly darkened her expression and pulled his hair, forcing his head back. “Then why else was it dark?”

Bates panicked. “It’s…it’s a skin condition.”

Moonbeam pulled back harder, making him yell. “We did a thorough physical examination of you. There’s nothing wrong with your skin.”

“I…I…I want to talk to Michael!”


“I love him!”

Moonbeam narrowed her eyebrows. “What are you talking about? You were only with him for ten minutes! That’s not exactly enough time to form a relationship.”


Moonbeam glared at him for a few seconds. She let go of him and walked out of the room. Madeline met her in the hallway. “I say let the Twins have a shot at him. He’s obviously hiding something.”

Madeline signaled to them, already waiting. The woman stopped sharpening one of her knives and rushed behind her partner.


Section One: The Perch

Operations looked over the small ants that worked for him. Michael stepped up next to him. Operations jumped. “Geez, Michael! You scared me! I thought I told you to stop sneaking up on me like that!”

“I’m sorry, sir. I wanted to discuss something with you.”

Operations dabbed a tissue at his forehead. “What is it?”

“I just finished working in the mailroom.”

Operations looked at him questioningly. “Yes?”

“A package came for you today I thought you would be interested.”

Operations smiled. “Oh, good, I’ve been expecting it.”

“You won’t be getting it.”

Operations frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I need its contents.”

“Deliver that package to me at once.”

“I can’t do that. I must have my fix.”

“For what? Nikita? She’s laid in that corner unconscious for two days and you haven’t even noticed.”

“For myself. I must have it. There is only one thing that can be substituted for it.”

Operations hesitated. “What?”

“Complete control of Section One.”

Operations chuckled. He looked at Michael with a smile. Then he hit the floor, rolling with laughter. “You are so funny!”

Michael watched him roll around the room, his face expressionless. “I wasn’t joking.”

Operations got up and wiped the tears from his eyes. “Well, you can’t be serious. There is no way I will give up command of Section to you, especially after your recent performance.”

“All right.” Michael turned to leave. “We’ll see how well you do without it.” Operations watched him leave.


Section One: Madeline’s Office

Operations rushed into Madeline’s office after his confrontation with Michael in the Perch. Steam rose from his ears, and his glasses had fogged because of it. “Madeline!”

She smiled, her eyes fixed on the computer. “Paul, eBay is fantastic! I just bought an Aston Martin convertible, an original Picasso, and the country of Tuvalu!”

“Tuvalu? What the hell are you going to do with the country of Tuvalu?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to rule a small island.” Another grin spread across her face. “Queen Madeline. No, no, wait. Empress Madeline. Goddess Madeline?” Her voice trailed off as she mused her future title.

He rolled his eyes. “All right, your Royal Highness, we have bigger problems in this country.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Michael stole my shipment of herbal Viagra,” he pouted, sitting on the edge of her desk and folding his arms across his chest.

“He did what?”

“Why did we demote him to the mail room? Couldn’t we have put him on the bathroom janitorial staff or something?”

“Why did he steal it?” she asked.

“Well, apparently, when Nikita took my last shipment, Michael developed an addiction to it.”

“I didn’t know it was habit-forming.”

“Madeline… he said he’ll return it for command of Section.”

“Obviously, that’s not an option.”

“But, Madeline,” he whined, his voice becoming an octave higher with each syllable, “it’s my Viagra…”

“You don’t need it.” She sat next to him. “I mean, all men have that problem sometimes.”

“I seem to have it more often that not.”

“True, but there are other ways to please me.”

Operations looked at her, a devilish grin on his face. “We haven’t done that since 1997.”

“That always worked in getting you aroused.” She kissed him softly. “Care to try it again?”


Section One: Comm

Moonbeam walked up to Birkoff, at his station playing The Sims. She lowered her head down to his level. “Birkoff, I need a favour.”

Birkoff rolled his eyes. “Why is it that everyone comes to me whenever they need something done without Operations knowing?”

Moonbeam smiled sweetly. “Because you’re so nice.” He rolled his eyes again and sighed. “Anyway, what I’m thinking of doing I could probably get approval for but,” she glanced at the darkened perch, “they seem to be preoccupied for the moment.”

Birkoff was curious now. “What is this for?”

“A mission I’m working on. I need to look at the files about the Gelman Process.”

He looked at her. “Operations had those locked up tight a long time ago.”

Moonbeam smiled again. “I’m sure a man of your intelligence can handle it.”

“Okay, just let me tell Diane to insult Brent and I’ll work on it.”

Moonbeam patted his shoulder and walked off.


Section One: White Room

The heavy metal door opened and Michael walked in. Bates looked up and, even under incredible pain and fatigue, smiled. “Michael…”

Michael kept his face blank. “How do you know me?”

“Of course you don’t recognize me…how could I have been so foolish…”

“You told Moonbeam last night that you were once involved in a secret agency. What is the name of this agency?”

Gates smiled. His voice changed to a thick Chinese accent. “Did she also tell you where she was when I told her?”

“What is the name of this agency?”

Gates paused for dramatic effect. “Section One.”

Michael didn’t reply, his blank look being the only thing giving off his surprise.

Gates looked around. “I see they’ve painted the walls since I was last here. They were a bit more dirty before.”

“You’re not in our computers.”

“Of course not. I altered my fingerprints. My vocal cords were surgically altered. I became a completely different person.”

“Who are you?”

“You know me, my chaud-lapin…”

Michael’s eyes widened. There were only two people in the world who knew his pet name, and the other was still unconscious in the commons area.


Section One: The Perch

Madeline panted over Operations like she had just ran a 10-mile marathon. She tore his pants into shreds and tossed them over her shoulder. She crawled over him like a panther approaching its prey. Operations laid motionless. He knew better than to make sudden moves when she was on this level.

She breathed into his face, “You don’t need Viagra when you’re so young and virile…”

She attached her mouth onto his and kissed him like she was trying to suck all the fluid out of his body. Suddenly, Operations was pulled up into a standing position. Madeline screamed, “TAKE ME!!!”

Operations sat her on the ledge and they began to make wild, passionate love. Unfortunately, he had situated her right on top of the switch for the window shading mechanism. With each thrust, the window was cleared, darkened, cleared, darkened, over and over like a strobe light. They quickly had the attention of half of the operatives in the area.

Walter slowly came out of his cave to see what the excitement was about. He looked up at the perch along with everyone else, who began rooting them on. He asked to no one in particular, “Is that Morse code?”

He took count of all the light and darks while everyone else watched Madeline’s backside be flattened against the glass. “F…U…C…oh, okay…”

Quinn, standing next to him, asked, “Fuco? What does Fuco mean?”

Walter only replied by smacking her upside the head.


Section One: Holding Room #23

Nikita opened the door of one of the holding rooms. Moonbeam sat on the bed, laid back and playing with a portable computer game. She glanced up. “You look better. Slightly more conscious than usual.”

Nikita brushed her hair back slowly. “I checked my panel for new missions and…then…I had to come here…I don’t know why…there weren’t any instructions to come here…”

Moonbeam set her game on the night table and stood in front of her. She smiled. “I always finish my missions, even if they require a little assistance.”

Nikita looked at her, not knowing what to do. The thought suddenly entered her mind. She knew exactly what to do. She slowly leaned forward and kissed Moonbeam passionately. Moonbeam responded by quickly unbuttoning Nikita’s shirt.


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