Written September 2006
Rated PG
Synopsis: It started out small: a half gallon of skim milk.

Disclaimer: The characters within are property of Heel & Toe, Shore Z. Productions, Bad Hat Harry Productions, and other corporations. No infringement is intended.

It started out small: a half gallon of skim milk. His two percent was “too fattening” and “so thick, it’s disgusting.” He could adjust to the wussy milk, but then his cereal choices came under fire. Now just what the hell was wrong with Froot Loops? The box said it had lots of the necessary vitamins and nutrients. Her response? “Too much sugar.” Well, seeing as how it was the second most prevalent ingredient, that was probably true. But she didn’t have to replace it with Corn Flakes … although he did kind of like them with strawberries.

Then, apparently, it wasn’t enough that she kept a spare toothbrush in his bathroom (a purple one, no less), but suddenly she needed to keep special shampoo and conditioner in the shower because his two-in-one stuff dried out her hair. Okay, that was fair, but the things she used instead, were they mildly scented? Not a chance. This was hardcore, like the company that made it couldn’t decide which flower to use so they bottled an entire garden. It would be absolutely unacceptable if it didn’t make her hair so soft that it tickled his cheek when he kissed her neck.

The fact that she was a woman (“with taste,” she had said) meant that they couldn’t share clothes, which led to him relinquishing a dresser drawer (or two) and a quarter (okay, a half) of his closet to her suits, turtlenecks, and lacy underthings. If anyone accused him of being a crossdresser and went through his bedroom for proof, they’d have a pretty good case. It was irritating to reach for a pair of socks only to discover they were too small and smelled better than his. Even worse was the way he grinned when he found a pair of her slacks folded over an armrest or a bra hanging on a doorknob.

She had started out small, one battle at a time, but now it was a full scale invasion, and the apartment was as much hers as it was his. It was only a matter of time until she conquered the entire thing, but he didn’t feel the need to fight back. This was one war he didn’t mind losing.

As long as she didn’t touch his TiVo.

The End

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